


Becoming Normal

by accelgors



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Character Study, Domestic, Established Relationship, M/M, Other characters will probably appear later - Freeform, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Some Humor, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:08:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22335322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/accelgors/pseuds/accelgors
Summary: After a lifetime of stress, Jack Morrison tries to adjust to retirement life, and finds that it might be a bit more difficult than he thought.(Or, Jack finally gets the therapy he so desperately needs)
Relationships: Reaper | Gabriel Reyes/Soldier: 76 | Jack Morrison
Comments: 17
Kudos: 75





	1. Enough is Enough

It was a normal, sunny Saturday afternoon when Jack decided to go to therapy. What led up to that moment started in such a quaint way – Jack was just working on his lawn. A far cry from the action of his old life; it had been about a year since his retirement, and he just wanted to live like a normal person. Now that he and Gabriel were together again, he felt ready to leave war behind.

Old soldiers don’t die, but they do get tired.

And so, the two of them settled down in a quiet neighborhood a little ways southwest of Indianapolis. Just outside of the suburbs, the population of the area was relatively sparse, but civilization still existed – not as much open space as Jack’s childhood area. Jack had wanted to go home, but Gabriel said that he would 'rather die again' than live on the Morrison family farm, so they came to a compromise. Being able to visit home every once in a while was good enough for Jack, and Gabriel could go into the city and entertain himself if he wanted. Maybe they were finally learning how to settle their disagreements in a healthy way. Probably not.

While he was cutting his grass, a man came towards his yard. He was tall and slender, with brown eyes that betrayed only a deep kindness. Right. A normal person.

“Hey, Jack,” the man said, waving.

“Hey. Tom, right?” He didn’t want to admit that he had to wrack his brain a bit to remember that. He reminded himself that introducing yourself to your neighbors was part of being a social person, instead of being the cranky hermit that everyone would be afraid of.

He nodded. “I’m on my way to the driving range.” Pointing to his car, he said, “Not to brag, but I’ve got the best clubs in the neighborhood in there,” he said, clearly bragging.

God, he hadn’t played golf in years. Being a vigilante meant you couldn’t do…well, anything fun. At that moment, he saw an opportunity. “Got clubs too back in the house. Mind if I go with you sometime?”

Tom’s face lit up. “Sounds great! I’ll call you when I can. This time I’m playing with my buddies, but none of them can ever beat me. Maybe you’ll be better.” He winked. With that, Tom left, leaving Jack with a successful social interaction. Hell yeah.

The calm atmosphere was momentarily interrupted, though, as Jack heard a crash, and a child scream.

As Jack’s head jolted in the direction of the sound, the atmosphere around him suddenly began to change. While he was in the same neighborhood, the environment was significantly different. The buildings around him had collapsed, with several of them engulfed in smoke. Instead of vibrant green lawns, the vegetation around him was shredded, and all that lay on the ground was dirt and some debris.

When the source of the sound came into view, it was more horrific than he’d thought: a child lay in the cracked remains of the road, pinned under the remains of a destroyed house. He would recognize this child anywhere; she haunted far too many of his nightmares. A little girl that couldn’t be older than 10, with blonde hair in braids and a tattered pink shirt. With this, he realized what event he was living: the day he was stationed in Denver. That day had been the first time during the Omnic Crisis that he had been to a civilian area that had just been attacked. While he was there, he had seen a child’s body get torn apart by Omnic bullets just before he had been able to reach her. At that moment, he realized with horror exactly what was going to happen. As he saw the Bastion unit behind her, he reached out to stop it before it—

“Jack!”

Back to reality. Behind him, he saw Gabriel, who had his hands on Jack’s shoulders. Jack, who didn’t even realize he was laying down, shot upright and hugged him.

“Hey. It’s OK. I got you.” As Jack pulled away, Gabriel held his hand and guided him forwards. “Let’s go back inside, alright?” Jack, still a bit shellshocked, stared into space. His mind was mostly a blank at the moment, and he barely reacted to his surroundings. The only thing that told him he was back inside was Gabriel sitting him down on the couch.

After a moment, Jack managed to get his bearings enough to speak to Gabriel. “Sorry.” He stared at the ground.

Gabriel shook his head. “Don’t be sorry. Want a drink?”

“I’d kill for a beer,” Jack said, scratching the back of his head.

“Got it,” Gabriel said, and started to head towards the refrigerator. 

Was drowning your flashbacks with alcohol a good idea? He was pretty sure that Angela told him it wasn’t. When did he listen to her advice, anyway?

He did remember something about “coping mechanisms”, though, and that was something he at least tried to do. For flashbacks, the best one was to try to take in his real surroundings. It reminded him of where he actually was. And that he wasn’t in the middle of a battlefield with people being shot to death around him.

To his left, his favorite chair. The bit of creaking it did when he leaned back gave it character. Gabriel said that was stupid, but what did he know?

In front of him, the TV mounted on the wall. To the right, a lamp and the wall, which he still needed to paint. There was no way he was going to let Gabriel get to it first, because he would make their house look like a vampire’s den.

Behind him, Gabriel in their kitchen, opening the fridge for a beer. Thank God he had someone to take care of him now; before he and Gabriel started living together again, these flashbacks would end in him on the fetal position on the floor. There had also been a couple other times it happened outside, and those were when he didn’t have someone to carry him home. So humiliating. That was something Gabriel definitely didn’t need to see or know about.

Gabriel put the beer on the coffee table next to the couch. After sitting down next to Jack, he said, “This shit is getting worse. We really need to do something about it.” He frowned. Neither of them needed to explain aloud what had happened; they had both long since understood the signs of a flashback. However, now that Jack was not being physically injured constantly, these attacks became much more noticeable.

“You got any ideas? I sure as hell don’t.” He took a sip of his beer. Fuck it. He chugged half the can.

“You need a shrink, Jack.”

Jack stared at him for a moment, but then considered it a bit more. Based on the worried look Gabriel was giving him, even he was taking this seriously, so Jack decided he had to as well. Good thing he was better at getting over his pride than his partner was. “Think so?”

“Well, it’s not fucking normal to start shaking and crying because a kid fell off her bike,” Gabriel said. He noticed the way Gabriel’s brow creased and how he held his hands together; it reminded him of when they were having discussions about Jack’s health issues in the past.

“Worth a shot, I guess.” He downed more of his beer. “Thanks for helping me out there.”

“Through the kindness of my heart, I’ll let you off without paying me back,” Gabriel said, smirking at him.

“Fuck off.” He crossed his arms and reclined further into the couch. After a moment, though, he moved closer to Gabriel and put his arm around his shoulder, leaning on him. Gabriel pulled him in closer, stroking the top of his back.

_ I just wanted to work on my damn lawn. _

\--

_ Indiana Counseling Associates _ . After hastily looking up a location for a therapist, he found the first one with actual availabilities and set up an appointment. Maybe he should’ve actually done research first; he had just found the whole process a bit embarrassing. Right. Normal people know how to be emotional without running away from it.

Jack and Gabriel got out of their car. “Glad you finally figured out the GPS.” Gabriel snickered.

“You could’ve helped me, you know,” Jack said, as he picked up a small folder with him and walked out onto the parking lot.

“Then I couldn’t laugh at you,” Gabriel pointed out.

“Gee, thanks, honey,” Jack said. He gave a dramatic sigh of exasperation.

“No problem,” Gabriel said, and Jack wasn’t sure if he genuinely thought he was being thanked or not.

The parking lot was relatively large. He was a bit grateful for that, because he wanted to put this off as long as possible, and every second helped. Eventually, though, they did reach the door, and Gabriel opened it; taking a deep breath, Jack walked inside.

Inside the building, he felt more like he was in a doctor’s office waiting room than a therapy area. He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting. It wasn’t like he was going to a mental hospital. Still, with the drab green wallpaper and the collection of chairs facing the walls, it still gave off the vibe of uncomfortable impatience that he was always used to while waiting for his injections.

“Hello. It’s John Morrison.” He put his hands on the receptionist’s desk. 

She looked up at him, seeming annoyed that he had talked to her at all. "The doctor will be with you in a moment."

He looked to Gabriel to see if he was feeling as awkward as he was, but Gabriel was already starting to walk out the door. “Well, looks like you’ve got this handled. See you in an hour!” He waved, and with that he was gone. Dammit. Could’ve used some moral support.

Whistling and putting his hands in his pockets, he waited for a moment until a man came out of a door just to the left of the desk. He was short, couldn’t be older than 40, and had a thick mustache. “Dr. Herschel?”

“Oh, John. Come in!” Dr. Herschel directed him through a hallway. He wasn’t sure if he was allowed to look at the other rooms in the hall, although unlike in hospitals he was pretty sure he wasn’t going to hear anyone making sounds of pain. 

Interrupting this train of thought, the doctor guided him into a room near the end of the hallway with his name on the door. Inside, there was a chair and a couch. While the couch was soft enough, there was a certain discomfort to being in the room at all that made it feel like it was making his legs ache. Why was he so nervous?

As the doctor sat down, Jack opened the folder and fumbled with the couple pieces of paper he had brought with him inside. “Uh, brought some notes if you need them.”

The doctor laughed. “Don’t be nervous.” Was he going to do that whole ‘seeing right through you’ thing a lot? “Just tell me what brings you here.”

“Oh.” Jack scratched the back of his head. “Well, I’m ex-military, and I’ve been getting these flashbacks of when I was fighting. Really starting to get in the way of my life.”

The doctor nodded. “Can you talk about what they are? What happens in them?” Jack wasn’t used to seeing this much genuine interest from someone other than his close friends when he talked about his issues. He always expected them to be dismissed, because military officers don’t tend to be too concerned if you feel sad or not. Had he really been treated with so little compassion his entire life?

“Yeah. Not always the same one every time. Sometimes I see a kid get killed by Omnic bullets, and the other one is when a giant Omnic attacked our facility and killed some of my squad. Almost killed me too.” He winced at the memory. The pain from having his legs crushed still felt so real when he remembered it, even decades later.

“So you served in the Omnic Crisis?” The doctor asked, writing some notes on a clipboard.

“Yeah. It was rough. Saw way more death than anyone should.” Should he talk about SEP? He didn’t even know where to start. There was so much to talk about, so much that could be bothering him – wow, he really was fucked up.

The doctor leaned forward and took a sip of his coffee, then nodded again. “This is normal after enduring something like that, John.” He hated being called by his real first name. It made him feel like a kid.

_ Be open _ . For a moment he wasn’t going to tell Dr. Herschel about not wanting to be called by his name. It was easier to just let him keep talking and not worry about the awkwardness caused by feelings that were so unreasonable. But he remembered through what he read online that he had to actually say what he felt if he wanted this to work. “Call me Jack.” He had thought it wasn’t important, but it felt surprisingly liberating to be honest, even about such a small thing.

“Sure.” Well, that was easy. At that moment, Jack wasn’t sure why he’d even been so hesitant in the first place. “Jack, it sounds to me like you have PTSD.” He’d heard that word plenty of times, and it wasn’t exactly a shock. “And to treat PTSD, you have to confront it. Do you think you’ll be able to do that?”

His breathing sped up slightly. That was what he was afraid of hearing. But he knew that he had to be brave, and he had fought much more deadly opponents in the past than his own mind. “Yeah.” The doctor must have seen him hesitate, because he cast a concerned glance. Jack hated being pitied. He tried to think of it as the man doing his job; he supposed empathy was part of his career path.

“Alright. If you get overwhelmed, we can stop and talk about something else.”  _ Well, there’s no shortage of things to talk about, trust me.  _ “Are you ready?”

Jack nodded.

“Okay. Close your eyes and try to remember the last flashback you had,” Dr. Herschel said.

Jack did as he was told. “I’m in a little plaza just outside Denver – or whatever was still there. There are buildings on fire, a lot of them are crushed, with broken pieces everywhere. Sky’s blue. Sunny outside. Broken Omnic parts everywhere – most of them had already been fought off by then.” His hands started to shake. Breathe.

Jack took a deep breath, then continued. “Most of the people are gone, too. Ones that weren’t dead got evacuated, ones that were dead burned or got cleared. Still smells like corpses.” He winced. The smell was always the worst part, until… “There’s a little girl. Maybe ten. Stuck under a building. Moaning in pain and fear, but doesn’t look too hurt from where I’m standing. While I’m moving towards her, an Omnic comes from behind” – he was gasping now – “And starts shooting. God, the bullets went so fast. It was horrible. She was dead in seconds. Face was all ripped up. Holes all over her body. Blood everywhere – oh God, I couldn’t help her. Couldn’t save her. She just died like that.” He was starting to shake over his entire body. “Doc, it’s horrible—“

“Jack.” His eyes snapped open. He hadn’t realized it, but he’d started to cry. God, that’s embarrassing. “We can stop now. Don’t push yourself too far.”

He wiped his eyes. “Sorry.”

The doctor shook his head. “Don’t be sorry. It’s good. It helps you make progress. There’s nothing wrong with it." Jack knew he shouldn't need to be reminded of that, but he really did. "You would need more appointments before I can help you get past this. There’s a lot to work with.” Jack grimaced.  _ Yeah, you’re telling me.  _ “When it comes to this, you have to control it, not hide from it.” The doctor smiled. It was a warm expression, inviting and genuine. “Our hour’s up. I’d love to work with you some more.”

Jack nodded. “Yeah, thanks.” He wiped his nose.

“Anytime. Goodbye, Jack.” The doctor waved.

Jack decided to sign up for another session. That was difficult, but he was proud of himself for facing it at all. When he reached the waiting room again, he saw Gabriel sitting in one of the chairs, reading one of his books that were too confusing for Jack to understand.

A talk with the (still not very polite) receptionist resulted in Jack setting up an appointment at the same time next week. Having a routine was probably good for him. It was how he naturally operated. Maybe Gabriel was right to call him a type A. 

Afterwards, Jack came towards Gabriel.

“You been crying?” Gabriel eyed him with concern.

“Yeah. Damn, that shit is intense,” Jack said. He took a deep breath, then released. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but it wasn’t something that would make him that emotional. As if he hadn’t been planning on taking this seriously.

“You can do it. No pussying out now.” He patted Jack’s back. Was that pride in his voice?

As the two of them returned to their car, talking about mundane things like what Gabriel did during Jack’s session and what they were going to have for dinner, Jack managed to smile.

It’s progress, right?


	2. Love, Support, & Sickness

And so, his appointments with Dr. Herschel continued from there. Once per week, he would go there and get things off his chest that he’d been holding in for years. Decades, even. He’d built up a decent rapport with the doctor, and managed to tell him about his past as Strike Commander. While he expected him to receive judgment, the doctor simply asked him if it was a stressful job, which led to him spending the entire hour dumping out complaints about how much pressure he had to face.

Still, there were certain things he didn’t feel comfortable talking about. In the ‘Not Yet’ category was his vigilante past, although the doctor told him that it was illegal for him to talk about their discussions outside the office as long as he didn’t mention actually harming people. “You can sue me if I do. I wouldn’t hold it against you,” he had said. In the ‘Not Ever’ category was him and Gabriel’s ‘troubled past’. Even his therapist didn’t have to know everything, he supposed.

In his 4th appointment, the topic had returned to his role as Strike Commander.

“Y’know, Doc, I feel like people still judge me for what happened. Hate getting stared at by people.” He thought about the various reactions he’d seen from people who recognized him. Unfortunately, scars and aging didn’t keep most people from being able to tell who he was, or at least who he had been. He had received compliments in the past, and only a couple of insults, but those were only from the people who spoke directly to him. He didn’t have the courage to look at the expression of everyone that stared at him. All he wanted was for them to leave him alone, and he always hoped that not looking at them would make them go away.

Dr. Herschel lifted his pen to his chin. “Well, there’s no way to avoid that, I’m afraid. You’re walking history, after all.” He chuckled. “Still, I don’t think most of them are judging you. I think most of them are just worrying about their own lives, and don’t think about you for more than a few minutes after recognizing you.”

“I hate the ‘Are you the real Jack Morrison?’ question, too,” he said, imitating the voice he dealt with – always either starstruck, confused, or what he perceived as condemning. He wasn’t sure if his perception was really correct, but the fear didn’t go away. The condemning from people had been a piece of what destroyed his life in the past. He knew firsthand that a negative popular opinion could seriously damage your circumstances.

“Jack, you say you want a normal life, right?” Jack nodded. “Then you can’t focus on if they’re judging you or not. You’ll drive yourself insane. You should just focus on the feelings of the people who really know you instead of strangers.”

“Easier said than done,” he grunted. 

The doctor nodded. “Yes, I know. But it’s what needs to be done.”

Jack took a sip of the water he brought with him. He was trying to drink less beer. His alcoholism had calmed down a bit since his life became less miserable, but he still drank more than he really should. Maybe he should’ve gone to rehab or something. Placing it back on the table next to the couch, he laid down, putting his legs up on the couch’s armrest. “Wish I could be more like Gabe. He doesn’t give a shit what those people think.” Man, he really was bad at controlling his potty mouth.

“Mm, he seems very independent.” Jack tried not to give away too much about his partner’s life, even though Gabriel said he didn’t care, but it didn’t seem to be working very well. “If you start feeling this judgment when you’re with him, you should ask him for help.”

Jack grimaced. “He’d probably just call me a pussy.” Gabriel didn’t do feelings very well, and never had.

The doctor laughed. “I think you’d be surprised. He wouldn’t be a partner you were happy about if he didn’t support you. You can’t hide things from each other. That’s not good for your partnership.”

“Huh. Maybe you’re right.” He scratched at the stubble on his chin. “Worth a shot.”

\--

“ _My Robio_? That’s what you’re making me see? Are you a fucking 12 year old girl?” Gabriel whined, as the two of them approached the built-in theater attached to the mall.

“Fuck off, it got good reviews. And you need to get out of the house.” As he said that, Jack reached the ticket counter, talking to the sweet old lady there, who gave them a strange look when she heard what he asked for. Okay, he actually just really liked this kind of movie. Guilty pleasure. But he would absolutely not tell Gabriel that out loud.

The woman handed them their tickets. “In my day, you could get these tickets for a dollar.” She giggled, and seemed ready to continue, but Jack rushed Gabriel away as quickly as possible. At least that meant she didn’t think he was her age.

The lobby of the movie theater was a relatively small space, never adequately fitting all of the people that came there any of the times Jack had gone. Ten connected rooms and it was still the size of a drive-in. Small spaces were never Jack’s cup of tea. He was used to wide-open battlefields or the massive expanses of the Overwatch bases, which always seemed like they had enough space to hold an entire army. In this little civilian area, he was starting to feel a bit squeezed in.

Jack decided to get something at the snack counter, even though all of the food was usually shitty and overpriced. On his way there, someone stopped him.

“Are you Jack Morrison?” The man couldn’t have been older than his 20s. He wouldn’t even remember Overwatch’s glory days, so Jack wasn’t sure what his interest was. This generation would only know him as a villain. Or at least, that’s what he had thought. Right now, the boy in front of him looked at Jack like he had just spotted a superhero. Oh God, here we go.

“Yeah, that’s me,” he said, voice tightly strained. The awkwardness was already setting in.

The man’s eyes widened even further. “Cool!” Had he ever heard of an inside voice? Because of his noise level, other people in the theater started to turn around towards him. A few more people said his name, curiosity in their tone sounding more like hostility as time went on. Looking around him, he swore he could see people glaring, and he felt like almost as much of a pariah as he did at the time of the explosion. Sweat started to drip down his forehead.

Looking over to the side, he saw Gabriel, who had been distracted by the menu, was looking over at him. Gabriel seemed to notice what was happening, as he tried to move closer to Jack, like some kind of bodyguard. Keep the crowds back, he supposed.

_Say it. Tell him. He won’t judge. He understands._ Almost every eye in the room had turned in his direction, and the room was spinning. Breathing was starting to get difficult. There was no choice now. “Gabe,” he whispered. Gabriel turned to face him, and he gulped. “Kind of freaking me out. Having everyone staring at me. Can we go?” _We already paid for the tickets, I’m sorry_ -

Without another word, Gabriel started pulling Jack towards the exit. “Jack left his keys in the car,” he said to the young man, who was still staring at him. He could hear the oh-so-familiar sign of anger in Gabriel’s voice, but when he put his hand in Jack’s it felt more protective than frustrated. “We need to go. Excuse us.”

Jack couldn’t get away fast enough.

The two reached the sidewalk outside of the theater. Gabriel whispered in his ear. “Keep walking to the car in case anyone wants to check our bullshit.” He nodded. The spinning around him was starting to slow down, and his breathing was becoming more controlled as well. Barely paying attention to his surroundings (and bumping into several cars in the parking lot along the way), he made it to the car, and the two opened their doors. _Hope nobody actually did follow us._ He didn’t want to think up an excuse of how they got in their car despite the supposedly missing key.

After sitting, Jack swallowed, feeling some of the tightness in his throat release. “Sorry. For being a pussy there.”

Gabriel shook his head, as he put the key in the ignition. “You need to stop apologizing for shit that’s not your fault.” He started to turn out of the parking lot. “You know, it bothers me too. People don’t recognize me as much as they do you, but when they do, I hate having them all prod me. I get it.”

“Just thought you’d think it was dumb,” Jack admitted.

Gabriel rolled his eyes. “I’m not an asshole, Jack.”

“You sure about that?” Jack grinned. Getting the ability to try to annoy Gabriel told him he really was feeling better.

“You’re lucky I can’t kick you in the ass while I’m driving.” When they stopped at a stoplight, he said a bit more quietly, “I’ve got your back, you know.” Jack nodded. “And if you’re being a pussy, I’ll tell you. Trust me.” How can he be reassuring and rude at the same time?

Despite himself, Jack smiled. “Thanks. Seriously.” Gabriel patted him on the back.

“This wouldn’t have happened if we saw the movie I liked, by the way,” Gabriel added as the light turned green.

“We weren’t even watching it yet,” Jack said, rolling his eyes at Gabriel’s continued whining.

“Still. That shit is cursed.”

“Well, fucking sorry I don’t spend all my time watching dumbass telenovelas,” Jack retorted. He was _not_ getting defensive over these movies that he _obviously_ didn’t actually like. It was just a comment. Clearly.

“I’ll leave your ass on the street if you insult my programs again,” he warned.

The two of them continued to bicker as they drove home. _Okay, asking for help works every once in a while. Even with my boyfriend. You win this round, Doc._

\--

Jack awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of retching in the bathroom. Did an animal break into the house again? When he walked into the bathroom, wiping sleep out of his eyes, he saw the animal was Gabriel.

“Hey.” Gabriel started to smile, but it turned into a grimace.

Jack frowned. “Another side effect?” He nodded. God, he felt so much sympathy for Gabriel. “Should I call Angela?”

He shook his head. “’m fine.” Right when he said that, he threw up again, barely keeping it in the toilet. The vomit had a black tinge to it that made Jack feel sick himself.

These moments made him feel so powerless. He just wanted to help Gabriel, but there was nothing he could do except watch him suffer. He put his hands on Gabriel’s shoulders. “Sorry. That I can’t help you.” An apology wasn’t really necessary, but on some level he still felt like this was all his fault.

“It’s just like any other condition. Like Crohn’s with less shitting.” He smiled, traces of vomit in his teeth. Ew.

Jack looked down at him. So many people would love to see Gabriel Reyes reduced to this, but he hated it. Hated seeing his confident smirk replaced with attempts to grin that just turned sad when he stopped forcing it. Hated seeing such a strong person held back this badly by his own body. Hated that he still blamed himself. “Want me to stay?”

He nodded. “That’d be kinda nice.”

And so, he sat down on the bathroom floor next to Gabriel. Occasionally, he’d rub his back lightly; when he threw up again, Jack kept hold on his shoulders, keeping him from falling over. When a little bit of the vomit got on the floor, Jack picked up a nearby towel and cleaned it up discreetly, hoping Gabriel didn’t notice. They didn’t say much; Jack just wanted to be there for him.

After what felt like at least an hour, Gabriel spoke up. “You can go back to bed, Jack.”

“Not until you feel better,” he said.

He snorted. “You might be waiting a while, then.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Jack said. He’d wait forever if he had to.

Gabriel sighed. “You’re so fucking stubborn.”

He grinned. “Guilty.” Jack kissed his shoulder. “Would’ve kissed you on the mouth, but it’s kinda gross right now.”

“Asshole,” he said. “Makes me feel like such a fucking baby, just having you take care of me like this. Can barely even move.”

“Shut up with your damn pride,” he grunted.

“You’re one to talk. Can’t even tell me how you feel,” Gabriel said in a low voice.

“Wait. That really bothered you?” Jack asked.

“Yeah, kinda.” His tone became bitter. “I’m not some antisocial asshole, Jack. I care how you feel. I don’t like you hiding things from me like I’m going to bite your head off or something. I wouldn’t call you a fucking pussy.”

He tried not to get defensive, but failed miserably. “You don’t show it. You call me names all the time.”

“You do too!” He was starting to raise his voice. “We’re fucking around. That’s what we do. I don’t actually think you’re a dumbass, or an asshole, or anything else I say.”

Jack looked down at the ground, but looked back up immediately when he realized he could see drops of vomit still under him. Maybe now wasn’t the time to be aggressive, especially if that made his sickness worse somehow. How did this stuff even work? “I know. Sorry.” He smiled. “Let’s just support each other from now on, huh?”

“We were already doing that. You just overthink shit,” Gabriel said, turning his head away.

“Yeah yeah. You think you’re done?” Jack said.

“Jesus, sorry to be such an inconvenience with my sickness,” Gabriel said, giving a melodramatic sigh.

“I didn’t even have to stay here with you, prick.” Jack helped him get off the ground and stand up.

“Oh no, I have more coming!” He said, turning towards Jack and pretending to retch.

“Fuck off! You’re gonna actually throw up on me.” He laughed and pushed Gabriel away. As they both got up, Jack pointed to the sink. “Brush your teeth before you come to bed. I’m not smelling your puke breath all night.” Gabriel flipped him off, but did as he was told.

Trying not to trip over his stiff legs, Jack got into bed. A couple minutes later, he heard Gabriel come in as well.

“Night, Gabe,” Jack said, giving him a smile.

“Night, Jackass,” Gabriel said with a smirk.

“I hate it when you call me that,” Jack grumbled.

“Which is why I do it.”

“Eat my ass,” Jack said. He put the blanket over both of them.

“I might throw up in it.”

Jack grimaced at that image. If he dreamt about that he was going to kill him. “That is fucking disgusting. Go to bed.”

Despite their bickering, Gabriel pulled closer to Jack before he went to sleep. Cute.

And thank Christ he brushed well and did not smell like vomit.


	3. A Dose of Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just so you know, the smut some of you are here for is coming next chapter, i promise

After a bit more planning, Jack and Tom had decided on a day for their golf trip. Now, that day had come. 

On the way to putting his clubs in the car, Jack asked Gabriel, “You sure you don’t want to go?”

Gabriel looked over at him from the couch. “I already told you, golf sucks. I hope you have fun, but I’m sure as hell not getting roped into it.” Even though Jack didn’t always appreciate Gabriel insulting his hobbies, there was a certain sincerity to the wish for him to have fun that made it easy to forgive. He really did give Gabriel a lot more leeway than anyone else. Maybe that was what love was.

Jack waved to Gabriel one last time with his free hand, and Gabriel returned it. Satisfied, he opened the door and stepped outside. The weather was perfect, if a bit hotter than he liked. Now that he wasn’t wearing that jacket all the time, though, hot weather was a lot easier to tolerate.

After a short drive, he reached the park where the golf course was located. It was a quaint little area in the middle of the suburban landscape. It gave the whole place a bit of character. Maybe Jack still was a bit of an outdoorsman at heart. He took a deep inhale, taking in the scent of the greenery around him. 

When he walked out of the parking lot, he saw Tom. Jack waved his arm at his neighbor, who walked over to him, a spring in his step. Right. That was what normal, positive people did, wasn’t it?

After getting through initial greetings, Jack and Tom began to walk to the golf course. Jack sighed contentedly, putting his hands behind his head. “Nice day, huh?” Jack said. 

Tom nodded. “It’s a perfect day for me to beat you at golf.” He smirked at Jack.

Jack returned his smirk, feeling his competitive streak come back instantly. “You’re on.”

After they reached the golf course, Jack got right into trying to win. They were relatively evenly matched. By the 7th hole, Jack was leading by 2. He knew not to get cocky yet. If he did, it would certainly be his downfall.

They chatted idly as they played. Jack was starting to get a feel for Tom’s personality; he was very pleasant, to the point that Jack wondered if he ever had a negative thought at all. 

He proved that he did soon enough, though.

“So, you live with Gabriel?” Tom asked as Jack set down the tee.

Jack nodded. “Yeah. Not married yet, though.” Jack tried not to sound too sad about that, and hoped he was successful. Jack didn’t know why he was so afraid to pop the question himself. Marriage was something he’d always wanted. He supposed he was just afraid of being rejected or not taken seriously. Traditions weren’t really Gabriel’s thing. “Why do you ask?”

Tom frowned. “He makes me a little uncomfortable. I feel like he doesn’t like me.”

Jack shook his head. “He can be a little abrasive before you get to know him. Probably just doesn’t trust you yet. Give it time.” Of course, Jack neglected to tell him that there was a significant chance Gabriel would never trust him. That wasn’t something that he came by easily nowadays. Considering everything that happened, Jack didn’t blame him.

Tom still looked hesitant. “I don’t know. I want to come over to your house, but I don’t want to do it when he’s around.”

That was...odd. Did he really dislike Gabriel that much? Gabriel could be intimidating to some, but he wasn’t outright cruel...well, not anymore, at least. “I’m sure he’ll be fine. Just give him a chance.”

He saw Tom glare at him. Jack wasn’t sure what to make of that. He brushed it off. Maybe there was just a bit more drama and negativity in the suburbs than he was aware of. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t dealt with plenty of that over the course of his life. He was past the age where he put too much stock into it.

If Tom had anything else to say about that, he didn’t verbalize it, and their conversation moved on. Jack decided to put it behind him. 

Eventually, the two of them finished their game. Jack ended up winning by 1 at the very last hole. He wiped a bit of sweat from his brow, not realizing how competitive he was getting. He hoped he didn’t come off as too domineering because of that. He smirked at Tom, trying not to rub it in _too_ much.

Tom laughed. “Well, you got me. I’m sure I’ll win next time, though.”

Right. A _next time._ So he wasn’t a total social failure after all. At least, not with one person. Although he didn’t know very much about Tom, and hadn’t gotten too much of an understanding of who he was, this could be the start of a real friendship. One he established completely on his own, and one that wasn’t forced by them working together. He couldn’t help but feel a bit proud of himself.

The two said their goodbyes, and Jack got back into his car. He whistled a tune as he drove down the road. 

There could be hope yet for his social skills.

\--

Jack lounged on the bed, watching TV. Gabriel had gone for a late night snack run, so Jack was alone for a little while. The TV was playing some kind of crime show. These things were always so dumb. Looking at the clock, he saw it was 8:00PM. Was there a game on?

Interrupting these mundane thoughts, Jack heard a crash coming from downstairs. Instinctively, he grabbed his pulse rifle and walked downstairs, clinging to the wall. The familiar adrenaline of a fight kicked in as he moved into the living room, the source of the noise.

No more time did he have to think before a gun was put to his head. Big mistake. Maintaining all of his super soldier strength, he flipped whoever it was over onto their back and put his rifle to their chest.

Wait a second.

“Tom?” He recognized their neighbor, despite him being in a much different outfit than normal – a black coat, probably the uniform of some criminal organization. They all blurred together for him nowadays.

“Did you really think you could get away that easily, Morrison?” Tom spat. Jack quickly realized what was going on here.

At that moment, he heard the door unlock and start to open. Jack heard Gabriel’s voice. “Jack, I gotta tell you about this fucking dumbass I saw on my way-“

With surprising agility, Tom managed to pull himself off the ground as Jack was momentarily distracted. He pointed the gun at Gabriel. Another big mistake. Jack shot his pulse rifle a single time, putting a hole through his chest. Tom fell to the ground with a soft thud.

Starting to internalize what just happened, he fell to his knees. Gabriel moved towards him. “You okay?”

He started to cry. He felt like such a baby, but these things happening made him feel like he’d never get away from this _._ Maybe he never _could_ have a normal life. “Why can’t people just leave us alone, Gabe?” Gabriel frowned. “I just want to be normal. Want to live my life like a normal person. I’m not hurting anyone.”

He inspected Jack for wounds. “Did he hurt you?” Jack shook his head. Gabriel got up, his tone becoming hardened and serious, the way it always did when he had work to do. “If there’s one thing I can do, it’s hide a body.” But he softened a bit as he looked at Jack, who was still staring at the ground. “You don’t have to come with if you don’t want. Let me take care of it.”

Jack managed to smile through his tears, but there was still a touch of bitterness to it. “Just like old times, huh?”

“Never really changes, does it?” He smiled as well.

With that, he went off to ‘take care of it’, leaving Jack alone with his thoughts, but not before casting a concerned glance as he walked out the door.

With nothing else to do, Jack decided to just try to go back to sleep. He would have to repair the window Tom (was that even his real name?) came in through, but that sounded like a pain in the ass that he wasn’t ready to deal with right now. As he started towards the stairs, he got a full look at their living room. Aside from the small section of shattered glass on the floor, it still looked so peaceful and quaint; the kind of room he would’ve envied 5 years ago. Why can’t people just let him have this life? They wanted him to be a leader, a fighter, always at war with someone – can’t he just rest?

He walked up the stairs to their bed and lay down, closing his eyes and hoping for sleep. Predictably, his mind kept racing, making sleep nearly impossible. Some kind of dazed half-awake state overtook him, and he hoped that time was passing by quickly. After some amount of time – he had no real idea how long -- he heard Gabriel come into their room. Without a word, Gabriel lay down next to him. Jack wasn’t sure if he could tell that he wasn’t asleep. Whether he could or not, he slowly put his arms around Jack and pulled him in. The hold felt protective, in a way. While he knew this wouldn’t last and he would quickly return to his hardened self again (and he wouldn’t want him to stay this way for too long), “nurturing Gabe” was a side that of him that he still always appreciated. Enjoy it while it lasts. He settled his head closer. This bit of comfort managed to help him finally drift into a somewhat restless sleep.

\--

Eyes open. Even though Jack was awake, he really didn’t want to get up. He’d gotten up at 6AM his entire life. What was one morning of staying in bed?

The fact was, the whole world just felt exhausting today. He’d have to clean up the broken glass and fix the window. Listen to people ask if he was okay when they saw the deep dark circles under his eyes. Maybe somebody would talk to him about Tom and he’d have to pretend the question didn’t turn his stomach. The entire thing just made him feel even more tired. _Just leave me alone._

He looked towards the other side of the bed, where Gabriel was still asleep. As Jack realized he still had his arms around him, a deep sense of affection filled him, and he smiled. The only thing keeping him remotely sane. He reached out and touched Gabriel’s face, then remembered that he had been asleep. Oops.

“Huh? What is…” Gabriel trailed off before finishing his sentence. Jack patted his head.

“Go back to sleep, Gabe,” he whispered. “Sorry for waking you up.”

“If you do it again I’ll kill you, Morrison…” Jack opened his mouth to respond, but Gabriel was already back to sleep. ‘Peaceful’ was the last word he would ever use to describe him at any point in his life, but damn if he didn’t come close when he was asleep like this. He looked so comfortable as he pulled closer to Jack in his sleep.

Jack wasn’t sure when he fell asleep again, but when he woke up, Gabriel was awake, but hadn’t left the bed.

Gabriel noticed Jack wake up and turned towards him. “Hey. You doing okay?”

Jack chuckled. “No, not really.”

“Well, at least you have a therapist to talk about this shit now.”

The two of them said nothing for a little while. Instead, they laid together, as Jack tried to find solace in his company. Then, Gabriel spoke up. He was trying to play it off as casual (as he usually did), but Jack could feel him shaking a bit. “Hey, Jack.”

“Hm?”

“You wanna marry me?”

Jack stared at him, mouth slightly agape. Did he hear that right? “What?”

Gabriel looked at the ceiling. “I dunno. Just been thinking about it for a while, and seeing you being attacked with a gun made me think…man, I don’t want either of us to die without us being married. If your dumb ass gets yourself killed, I at least want you to be my husband first.”

With the two of them, it didn’t even phase him anymore to talk about these things so openly. “I hate calling you my partner all the time instead of my husband. Really inconvenient.”

“Just say yes or no,” Gabriel grumbled.

“That was a yes, dumbass,” Jack said.

“Really?” Gabriel got up for a moment. Playing it cool, he laid back down immediately, saying, “Cool. I don’t have a ring yet. I’ll get you one soon.”

Jack nodded. “I’ll hold you to that.” Money didn’t matter when it came to dreams coming true. He tried to hold himself back from being _too_ excited, because he'd already shown enough emotion in the past day. Jack had always wanted to be married, more than anything. To have a real family with a husband he loved. “Hope you know, I like traditional marriage shit. I’m changing my last name, and you’re not getting away with not having an actual wedding.”

“Is it too late to take it back?” Gabriel grinned at him.

“Fuck you.” He contemplated for a moment. “Dad would kill me if he knew I was changing my last name. Always said the man should keep his name.”

“What, was he born in the fucking 1920s?” He said.

Jack laughed a bit. “Hey, what can I say? He’s a traditionalist.”

“More like a bumpkin,” Gabriel said, snickering.

Jack responded only by rolling his eyes as visibly as possible. “Mom always liked you, though. Even before we were actually dating, she’d say I should end up with you.” He paused. “Wait, I just realized. Mom is coming to the wedding, and she’ll probably invite my entire family.”

Gabriel groaned. “I really don’t want to spend the day with a bunch of fucking rednecks. They’ll probably beat me with pitchforks or some shit.” To be fair, it would be their first time seeing Gabriel since his body changed. He wouldn’t put it entirely past some of them to think he was a demon.

“Well, my mom would kill me if I didn’t invite her, so too bad. You better not be a dick to any of them, either,” he said, giving Gabriel an intense glare.

“You’re a super soldier that’s still scared of his fucking mom,” Gabriel said, a mocking tone in his voice. 

“Fuck you, you’ve seen her,” he said. He made no effort to deny it. That woman could be terrifying when she wanted to be. “She could kick both of our asses.”

“Isn’t she like 80?”

Jack cocked his head to the side. “Please tell me you wouldn’t hit her back.”

“I would. I’m not letting anyone hit me,” Gabriel said, crossing his arms.

“You hit my mom, you’ll die for real this time,” he warned.

“I thought I was the bad guy for trying to kill you.” His tone was dipped in sarcasm, as if it was ridiculous to think that shooting someone was a reason to be the bad guy.

“I know how to shut you up.” Jack inched closer to him and kissed him.

“You fucker,” he said, blushing. “I’d kick your ass for that if I wasn’t worried about you.”

“Yeah yeah, I’m so scared.” He held Gabriel close enough for their heads to touch. “I’ll be okay, though. Don’t worry.”

“Better be. I’m not marrying you if you stay in bed all day.” He kissed the top of Jack’s forehead. As he held Gabriel in his arms, he felt like the world was a little less shitty than he had when he woke up. Is that what it’s like to be in love?

At that moment, Gabriel grabbed his arm and got out of bed. “Now get your lazy ass up and let’s get breakfast somewhere. And not that shitty waffle place you dragged me to last time.”

Yeah, his Prince Charming.


	4. Hard Times

Surprisingly to him, nobody asked Jack about Tom. He realized later that of course nobody would ask him – even if they had known Tom was dead, why would they think it had anything to do with him? Maybe he was just too self-centered.

As someone in the Strike Commander position, death was far from foreign to him. People had died around him all the time. So why was this bothering him so much? It didn’t seem to get to Gabriel nearly as much as it did to him.

Good thing his appointment was today.

“Doc, I have to tell you about something, but please don’t ask me any questions. Don’t want to answer them. Is that OK with you?” Jack asked when he reached his therapist’s office. In lieu of his typical lying position when he was at the office, he was sitting up with his hands clasped together. He felt too tense to lay down right now; every time he did, his body just told him to jump back up.

Dr. Herschel nodded. “I won’t make you say any more than you’re willing to. What’s on your mind, Jack?”

Jack hesitated. He had to find a way to word this that wouldn’t get him in any legal trouble. “So. You know I’m kind of a target, being the old Strike Commander and all.” The doctor nodded. “Someone tried to attack me last night. Don’t worry, I’m fine. Thing is, it was somebody I thought was my friend.” Dr. Herschel nodded again, that familiar empathy showing in his eyes.

“I suppose who it is would be one of the questions you don’t want me to ask, then,” he said, writing something down on his clipboard.

“Bingo.” Jack continued. “But it’s really getting to me. Like I’m not safe anymore. Don’t know why. Dealt with death my whole life and been attacked by plenty of people. Why is this bugging me so much?”

The doctor paused for a moment, probably considering Jack’s words. “Jack, were you friends with any of the people that had tried to attack you before?” Jack shook his head. “Ah. I think that’s probably the issue. It’s not as scary to worry about a faceless enemy than about your own friends.”

Jack nodded. “Yeah, that’s true. Feel less safe now.”

“Mm. I can’t say I relate to your experience too much personally, but what I do understand is that a betrayal can hurt your trust in people a lot more than a fight with a stranger.” He shook his head. “This might happen again sometime, but I wouldn’t let it get in the way of your progress of a calm life.”

“Hard to be calm when I have to be on guard all the time.” Jack grimaced.

“It might not be safe to trust everyone. But you can’t be afraid all the time. There’s a balance you have to find, that you never got to have because of your job, which means you have to learn it now.” Dr. Herschel gave him a sympathetic smile.

These sessions always did leave him with something new to think about.

When his session ended, Gabriel was waiting for him outside. He hadn’t waited since the first time he’d come here.

“Hey,” Jack said, hands in his pockets. 

“Hey,” Gabriel said, not looking his way. His gaze was directed slightly downward, and his tone quieter than usual. The familiar sight of him brooding. But why?

Jack waited until they got inside the car to ask, wanting to respect his privacy in public (and not scare him off). “Something wrong?” Jack asked. Gabriel hesitated. “C’mon, Gabe. Know what it looks like when you feel bad. What’s up?”

Gabriel picked up the key to start the car, but stopped. He finally looked over at Jack. “Jack, do you think I’m a bad person?” 

Jack stared at him. Huh? “What? No.” 

“Yeah, you never would,” Gabriel said with a slight smile. That smile faded quickly, however. “I just...never wanted to hide a body again. And seeing how bad it affected you, and how desensitized I was to it, made me feel like a monster. I know I used to be--” Jack opened his mouth to interrupt-- “I know you’re gonna say I wasn’t, but I think I was.” He had a deep frown on his face. “I thought I was past this. That maybe I could change. But am I just the same person I always was?”

Jack looked at the man he loved, and felt a deep sympathy for him. The guilt for what he did must be unbearable. If it was as bad as it was for Jack, it certainly would be worse for him. “Gabe, you _have_ changed. He tried to kill me. We did what we had to.”

Gabriel let out a bitter chuckle. “That’s what I always said.” He sighed. “It just sucks to be the guy that only ever hurts people.”

Jack put his hand on his shoulder. When Gabriel looked up at him, Jack gave him a smile. “You do a lot more than that for me. Can’t wait to be your husband.”

Gabriel chuckled. “You’re so corny.” 

Jack patted his shoulder. “It’s true, though.” He sat up with renewed purpose. “Let’s get some lunch. You pick the place. Think of it as a thanks for not getting our asses arrested.” 

Gabriel gave him a genuine smile. Damn, that was beautiful. “Somebody’s gotta help you keep that boy next door image. That pretty face isn’t always enough.”

Jack laughed, hard enough to throw his head back against the seat. Something about Gabriel’s sense of humor always got to him, especially with how satisfied with himself he always appeared whenever he made Jack laugh.

He wasn’t sure how he’d ever survived without Gabriel in his life.

\--

Jack had decided to take a hike across the coastline. The doctor had said last week that it would help his mental state to go out somewhere new and get some sunlight. Eventually, after some protesting, he managed to get Gabriel to come along. It would be nice (and less boring) to have someone to talk to. 

The drive to the coast wasn’t too bad. Four hours was a long ride, but he had certainly waited longer than that for things in the past, and a half decent beach was a bit far off. Still, by the end, he had grown restless, and his joints a bit stiff. He really was getting old.

When the two got out of the car and stood in a parking garage near the beach, both of them took their shirts off. Jack had no intention of burning up in the summer heat, and he suspected that Gabriel felt the same way. And he sure as hell didn’t mind seeing Gabriel’s muscles out in the open. It filled him with a certain pride to show him off like this, too. Letting everyone know that a man this hot had chosen _him._

Gabriel pulled out a bag. “Your pale ass needs sunscreen.” He took the lotion out and started to rub Jack’s back. The cool gel felt good on his already-warm skin.

Jack grinned. “You sure you don’t just want to feel me up?”

Gabriel returned his grin. “Please, I could do that anytime.”

“Don’t get us arrested again.” Jack cringed at the memory of the two of them getting caught skinny-dipping. Explaining that to the higher ups was not fun.

“We didn’t go to jail, we got fined,” he said, as if that made it not important.

“Still. Nobody’s gonna make excuses for us now.” Jack enjoyed the feeling of Gabriel rubbing his stomach, and was trying to hide a bit of an erection developing. He could’ve sworn Gabriel was doing this especially sensually on purpose. _I’ll get him back for this later._

Gabriel started to slow down as he rubbed Jack’s chest, coming close enough that Jack could feel his breath on his ears. Yep, definitely doing this on purpose.

“Keep it in your pants,” Jack growled.

“What, me? Clearly you just have a dirty mind.” He made a shit-eating grin as he moved especially slowly while rubbing Jack’s nipples. Oh, that fucker. He knew those were sensitive. That was cheating. Jack tried not to show that he was breathing harder now.

“Too many people around. We aren’t horny kids anymore.”

“There’s nobody here, Jack. We can get back in the car, no one will see. I’ll get out your tension in my favorite way,” Gabriel said, as he trailed his finger across Jack’s chest. God damn, he hated when he got all smooth like that.

Jack sighed. “What am I gonna do with you?”

“I think the question is what I’m gonna do to you.” Forgetting the sunscreen, he squeezed Jack’s nipple again. Jack tried to ignore his stiffening dick. “I mean, you can say no.”

“…Alright, fine. Only if we’re in the car.” Jack tried to hide his own excitement at the prospect.

He grinned again, that annoying face he made when he knew he won. “Knew you’d come around.” They got back into the car, and Jack was very careful to close the door behind them.

“OK, what are you gonna—oh.” Jack’s question was interrupted by Gabriel removing his pants, feeling his erection through his underwear. Sweat started to gather on Jack’s forehead.

“Help you fucking relax for once.” Gabriel lowered Jack’s underwear to his feet, then opened his mouth. Jack got the idea pretty quickly. Gabriel put his mouth on Jack’s inner thigh, placing a kiss there; then, he moved his tongue up to Jack’s balls. There was no way he could stop himself from jerking forward, grabbing Gabriel’s shoulders for leverage. “Damn, you always get worked up so easy.”

“Shut up,” Jack said. Gabriel trailed his tongue along Jack’s cock, starting from the base and moving up to the tip, sending chills down his spine. He put his hands around Jack’s ass and pushed his dick deep into his mouth, as Jack tried not to shout at the sudden stimulation. He started sucking, making small moans as he rubbed circles on Jack’s ass with his hands. God, those noises were his favorite part.

He kept his grip on Gabriel’s shoulders and tried not to push his cock too deep inside, although he knew that Gabriel controlled his gag reflex better than any fuck he’d had before. Still, it was the polite thing to do.

However, Gabriel clearly wasn’t interested in hesitating, as he pushed Jack’s cock all the way to his throat, making Jack throw his head back and moan, trying to make it as quiet as possible. The prospect of someone catching them was still on his mind; if he was honest, though, that just made this hotter. He swore he wasn’t into exhibitionism. “Fuck, you’re good. Blow my mind every time.” _Gotta stop making dad jokes during sex._ He was sure Gabriel would’ve groaned at that if his mouth wasn’t busy at the moment.

With deliberate precision, Gabriel pulled his tongue backwards across Jack’s cock and up to the head, slowing down over the slit. Jack felt shock waves of pleasure go through his body. He grabbed onto the back of Gabriel’s head and groaned. 

Gabriel looked entirely too satisfied with himself as he sucked on Jack’s dick, increasing in speed to match the tension building inside Jack, who felt his toes curling and his grip around Gabriel’s head getting tighter.

He wouldn’t last much longer. The stimulation on him as well as the image of his cock in Gabriel’s mouth was becoming too much for him. God, Gabriel looked so beautiful like this. When he seemed so obedient and calm, totally focused on giving Jack pleasure. “Fuck. Gonna cum. Trying not to choke you.”

Clearly not worried about that, Gabriel did a thumbs up as he sucked it deeper inside. Well, shit. Not that he had never come in Gabriel’s mouth before, but it still always felt rude. Evidently, his partner didn’t mind at all, because he continued to lick Jack’s cock in earnest, a certain enthusiasm in each of his motions. Probably took a ton of pleasure out of making Jack squirm like this. Asshole.

The last groan Gabriel made was enough to send Jack over the edge, and he came down Gabriel’s throat. He always felt bad when he did that, but Gabriel obviously didn’t mind, because he swallowed it without hesitation.

“God damn, Gabe. Always so fucking good,” Jack said, leaning back in the seat and trying to catch his breath.

He grinned. “You flatter me.” Getting up off the area between the seats, he said, “You good now?”

“Fuck yes,” Jack said, still a bit breathless. “Want me to help you out next?”

Gabriel shook his head. “In public? What kind of freak would suggest such a thing?" He asked in feigned shock.

Jack groaned, lightly hitting the side of his head. "Shut the fuck up." As he adjusted himself, preparing to get back up, he gave a smug grin. "Heh. Not a bad start to my day."

\--

But Jack decided he wasn’t ready to give up his quest for social connections. After recovering for a few more days, he started to search up more opportunities in the area. The only thing that came up was some expensive country club. It would be full of annoying snobs. Did he really want to go there?

Was the desire to avoid assholes as strong as his fear of being an outcast?

He saw Gabriel lounging on the couch. Worth a shot. “Hey, Gabe.” Gabriel looked up at him, appearing half-asleep. He hoped he hadn’t just woken him up. “You heard of the Shady Hills Club?”

Gabriel stared at him, disdain showing in the way his brow furrowed. “That place with the rich assholes? I guess. Why?”

Jack looked away. “Should I...try to get into it? Maybe?”

Gabriel looked even more incredulous than before. “Why the hell would you put yourself through that?”

“‘Cause I want to make friends, Gabe,” he said, only realizing after he said it how sad that statement sounded.

“Are those really the friends you wanna be making?” Gabriel asked.

Jack sighed. He was right. “No. But...maybe they aren’t that bad.”

Gabriel snorted. “Doubt it.”

It was clear that Gabriel didn’t understand where he was coming from. He tried not to get frustrated. “I just wanna be normal, Gabe.”

Gabriel frowned at him. It was hard for Jack to read him a lot of the time, but it seemed there was some level of concern there. “You keep using that word. ‘Normal’. Why do you want that so bad?”

Jack sighed. “Cause that’s what I want to be. Not commander, celebrity, vigilante, whatever. All I ever wanted was a normal life.” He looked down, trying not to get too upset. These more desperate feelings were ones that were hard for him not to get emotional about. “I get sick of everyone staring at me. Being some kind of pariah. Having all these expectations. I just want to walk outside once without people putting pressure on me to be their hero.”

“Jack, you put those expectations on yourself,” Gabriel said. “Most people don’t think that. And if they do? Fuck ‘em.” 

“People keep saying that,” Jack started, frowning. “But it’s so hard to just ignore people. Everyone paying attention to me, but still feeling alone.”

“You _aren’t_ alone. You know that.” That was true, but hard to swallow. He paused for a moment. “Do you maybe wanna talk to the people at Overwatch?”

Although to many this may seem like an obvious solution, it was a tall request for them. If they saw their old friends, it would mean Gabriel would have to confront his old actions. It might be a bit awkward for Jack, but for his partner, it could be terrifying. “You think you can handle that?”

“I’m not just gonna sit back and watch while you feel like you have no friends,” Gabriel said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Thanks.” Jack smiled at him. “Gonna love being married to you, y’know.”

Gabriel gave him a shit-eating grin. “If marriage is what’ll make you happy, I’m OK with taking one for the team.”

Jack rolled his eyes. “Fuck you.” The two of them laughed. 

He’d been pushed far before, but nearly going to a shitty country club must have been his worst idea yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this chapter took 4,000,000,000 years to get out by Writer's Block Be Like That. thanks for reading!


	5. Going Backwards to Go Forward

“You don’t have to be so nervous. They’re our friends,” Jack said as he watched Gabriel’s leg bounce. The two were on their way to a nearby Overwatch base, where nearly everyone was there.

“Maybe  _ your  _ friends,” Gabriel said. “They hate me.”

As much as Jack wanted to tell Gabriel that wasn’t true, he wasn’t entirely certain if it was. Lying to him wouldn’t help anything, either. “I’m sure it’ll be fine,” was the best comfort Jack could manage.

Gabriel merely grunted in reply, and Jack didn’t press the matter. They’d had this conversation several times already, and Jack never managed to get through to him. Not that he blamed his partner for his reservations. Spending years as a terrorist wasn’t exactly conducive to a positive relationship with the people that directly fought him. Even if they’d been friends in the past, Jack wasn’t entirely sure what the rest of them would think.

The drive wasn’t too long. Short enough that Jack’s joints weren’t particularly stiff as he got out of the car, which would make him significantly less grumpy. He looked over and noticed that Gabriel’s hands were shaking while he opened the car door. Poor guy. Jack reached over and squeezed his shoulder, giving him a smile. 

The two walked towards the base, Gabriel following a bit further behind than usual. When he reached the door, the software seemed to recognize him, as he heard the door unlock. 

When the two got inside, Jack instantly felt a small amount of anxiety hit him. But why?

He looked over to the side and saw the Overwatch logo on the wall. Although he expected that to give him positive nostalgia, the nervousness continued to rise. He questioned it, until he realized something:

The layout of this was far too much like the Swiss base.

His eyes darted around the room. OK, Jack. Calm down. This isn’t Zurich. Nothing is going to happen.

His reassurances didn’t seem to succeed, as the walls around him felt as if they were closing in. Suddenly, he heard a loud crash, and felt the ground shaking beneath him. He closed his eyes involuntarily.

When he opened them, the base was in ruins. Small fires had developed everywhere.

Oh God, where was Gabriel? 

“Gabe, where are you?!” He shouted, desperately looking for the man he loved. He found nothing but rubble.

Had his recovery been some kind of hallucination? Did he never make it out of the base at all? No, that couldn’t be true. He wracked his brain for some assurance that the past years had been reality, but he couldn’t find any. All he could think of was his rising panic, as he looked in every direction for Gabriel. 

“Jack!” 

A voice shouted his name, but he couldn’t recognize who it was. 

Wait. Was that…?

When he turned towards the voice, he saw Gabriel; he had a moment of relief, until he saw the blood all over his face, a large crater in the side of his head. Oh God, he had been crying for help, and Jack hadn’t gotten there in time. Now he was going to die. 

Jack ran towards him, but as he reached downwards, his body suddenly disappeared, as if it were never there at all. No. He heard moans of pain coming from the injured around him. This was his fault. He could’ve stopped this somehow. There had to have been a way.

He fell to his knees, grabbing the sides of his head to drown out the sounds of suffering. 

As quickly as the scenery changed, it came back. He found himself in an intact Overwatch base, one that wasn’t quite like the one in Switzerland. When he looked up, he saw Gabriel again. Still alive and uninjured, with concern in his eyes; several other familiar faces also came towards him.

He’s here. He’s okay. 

All he could do was jump up and grab onto Gabriel as tightly as he could, crying into his shoulder. “I thought you were d-dead...I was--”

“Shhh,” Gabriel said, hugging him. “You’re okay. Just a flashback. Wasn’t real.”

“Is everyone alright?” Although Jack’s eyes were still closed, he recognized Winston’s voice. “We heard you scream.”

“He’s fine,” he heard Gabriel say, but everyone sounded like background noise. He tried to focus on his fiancee’s hold, ignoring the talking around him. The only thing grounding him, as tears continued to flow. He felt Gabriel let go and put his hand in Jack’s. “C’mon. Let’s get out of here,” Gabriel whispered. All Jack could do was nod.

Jack opened his eyes and saw many of the faces from Overwatch looking at him in confusion. God, this was humiliating. All he wanted was to get the hell out of here and never come back. 

Slowly, in an unusually delicate manner, Gabriel guided him out the door. 

That was a fucking terrible idea.

\--

Jack spent the rest of the day recovering from his breakdown at home. After such a massive rush of emotion, all he wanted to do was sleep for the day. Or maybe forever. He remained on the couch, Gabriel sitting near him the entire time, neither of them saying much.

Luckily, his therapy appointment was the next day. Well, luckily was a strong word. He grimaced at the thought of recounting what had happened aloud.

Whether he wanted to or not, he approached Dr. Herschel’s office the next day. As he opened the door, the doctor smiled at him, a welcoming gesture that slightly helped the sinking feeling in Jack’s stomach.

“Hello,” the doctor said.

“I had another flashback,” Jack blurted out. “A really bad one.”

Dr. Herschel frowned. “I’m sorry. Could you tell me what it was about?”

For the next few minutes, Jack recounted the events of the previous day; from their drive to the Overwatch base to the flashback, and how completely drained he was afterward. He felt ashamed of it, and wasn’t entirely sure why. “Feels like I lost all of my progress.”

The doctor shook his head. “You didn’t. These relapses happen to everyone during recovery. You just took too big of a step too early.” 

Something about that was intensely reassuring. Just hearing that he wasn’t completely back at square one. It seemed so obvious when he said it. “Sometimes I feel like I’ll never get over this.”

“Well, I shouldn’t lie. It might never go away completely. But it gets a lot easier to deal with if you take steps to heal from it,” Dr. Herschel said; it was disappointing to hear that he couldn’t just instantly get rid of this entirely. But he supposed that was an irrational expectation. 

Jack was at a loss. “Then...what do I do? I can’t keep getting hit with this forever.”

“Hmmm,” the doctor started. “If you want to make the process go faster, exposure therapy is the best option.” 

Jack was afraid he’d say something like that. “I don’t know…”

His therapist gave him a small smile, one that communicated a level of understanding he wasn’t used to. Had people really been so unsympathetic towards him? “I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want. But it’s the fastest way to help you.”

He weighed his options. It was probably his best bet, because he sure as hell didn’t want something like that to happen again. But it would be a lot to handle, and he wasn’t sure how prepared he was to face his own emotions. Eventually, after a few more moments of back and forth in his own mind, Jack sighed. “Let’s do it.”

Technology really had come far in recent decades. Now, they could use virtual reality to simulate situations purely based on a description of the scene. Dr. Herschel had seen photos of the explosion in Zurich on the news when it happened, so he had a vague idea of what it looked like; all he needed were further details from Jack to paint a relatively clear picture.

As Jack put the virtual reality goggles on, he took a deep breath. God, this was going to suck. He had been told in the past that being optimistic was best for his mental health, but he couldn’t possibly imagine this being anything other than painful.

Quickly, an image of the rubble of the Swiss base appeared. He was already starting to panic. OK, Jack. Breathe. You can get through this. It’s not real. 

After encouraging himself a bit, he managed to start moving. Luckily, they had decided to leave the dead bodies out of the simulation, to avoid it becoming unnecessarily gruesome. This made it somewhat easier to investigate the rubble. Pieces of the base lay everywhere; the explosion hadn’t completely obliterated everything. Instead of being completely gone, most of the structures were broken and mangled. 

Jack’s breathing was already starting to pick up, and he felt a tightness in his chest. Ignoring it, he walked around the site, seeing the flames that had been spurred by destroyed electrical wiring. As horrifying as it was, seeing all of his life’s work reduced to ruins, there was something serene about being here without being in danger.

That didn’t make it any less terrifying, though.

Still, he managed to press on. It was hard to breathe with the smoke around him. If it weren’t for that, he would’ve taken a deep breath, as he slowly steadied himself. He was shaking now, and tears were starting to form at his eyes, but he didn’t feel overwhelmed this time. Like this was something he could face, a challenge that wasn’t impossible for once.

This was a lot easier knowing that Gabriel was still here.

Slowly, he took the goggles off. 

It wasn’t as if he was completely past this. Not until he could face this simulation without the massive amount of tension currently in his body.

But you have to start somewhere.

Weeks passed, Jack’s exposure therapy continuing. With every simulation, they added more of the worst elements of the explosion, from the sounds of the injured to the pain of his own injuries. Every time, it became a bit less difficult.

His wedding day came and passed. The former Overwatch agents were there. He had managed to contact them via long-distance calls, and had built friendships with them. Gabriel was still rather distant with them, but at least had managed to show himself on video. He supposed it was better than nothing.

Now, he was going to have a second try.

The agents had gathered at the base again, this time in preparation for Jack’s big moment. 

As he approached the door, Gabriel patted him on the back, giving him a kiss on the top of his head. “You got this. Kick its ass.”

Maybe he was right.

As he entered the building, it still looked the same. And  _ not  _ like the Swiss base this time.

He looked around. Now that he thought about it, this really didn’t look that much like the old base. The walls were a different color, and the desks weren’t the same, either. These little differences made it even a bit easier.

Not that it wasn’t still a bit scary. But with his now-husband at his side, it didn’t feel quite as daunting. That’s right. Gabriel is still here. Still alive. 

He picked up a pen that lay on one of the desks. One with the Overwatch logo on it, just like the ones at the old base. Despite himself, he smiled at it. 

Maybe he wasn’t normal. Maybe he never would be. 

But he was himself. Jack Morrison, the man the world had rejected, might be able to accept himself after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading this, everyone! sorry again for the massive delay in the update. i'm glad i managed to get to the end, though. 
> 
> as always, i appreciate your comments so much, each and every one of them, even if i don't always respond. anyone who comments, leaves kudos, or even just reads - you're all blessings. <3


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